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A few months back, I was asked to participate in a debate on the topic of whether men should have to pay on dates. (I was “the feminist.”) It turned out that the male debater and I didn’t really disagree much on that topic. I said that, generally, whoever asks the other person out pays for that date, and then at some point couples generally transition into sharing costs in whatever way works for them. He was actually pretty happy to pay for first dates; he just wanted women to say thank you and to not use him. I had no problem with that.

I think he said that women should offer to pay half, knowing they’ll probably be turned down. I said, well, sometimes — but what if the other person invited you someplace really expensive? What if you agreed to a date with the guy and he spent an hour saying crazy racist shit to you and you felt like you couldn’t escape? This is what led to our real disagreement.

The male debater felt strongly that if a woman wasn’t interested in a second date, she should say so on the spot. If the man says, “Let’s do this again sometime,” the woman shouldn’t say, “Sure, great,” and then back out later. I said that that was a nice ideal, but that he should keep in mind that most women spent most of their lives living in low-level fear of physical aggression from men. I think about avoiding rape (or other violence) every time I walk home from the subway, every time there’s an unexpected knock at the door, and certainly every time I piss off an unhinged man. So, if I were on a date with a man who I felt was unbalanced, creepy, overly aggressive, or possibly violent, and he asked if I wanted to “do this again sometime,” I would say whatever I felt would avoid conflict. And then I would leave, wait awhile, and hope that letting him down politely a few days later would avoid his finding me and turning my skin into an overcoat.

The male debater was furious that I had even brought this up. He felt that the threat of violence against women was irrelevant, and that I was playing some kind of “rape card” as a debate trick. He got angrier and angrier as we argued. I also got angrier and angrier, although I worked hard to keep speaking in a calm and considered way. He was shouting and cutting me off when I tried to speak. I pointed out that the debater himself was displaying exactly the sort of behavior that would make me very uncomfortable on a date. THAT made him livid.

He then called me “passive-aggressive.”

I was genuinely taken aback. “Actually,” I said, “I call this ‘behaving myself.’” It’s a lot of work to stay calm when you’re just as furious as the other person, and that other person is shouting at you. I felt that I was acting like a grownup — at some emotional cost to myself — and I wanted credit, not insults, for being able to speak in a normal tone of voice when I was having to explain things like, “We can’t tell who the rapists are before they turn violent, so sometimes we have to be cautious with men who do not intend to harm us.”
Bullish Life: When Men Get Too Emotional To Have A Rational Argument (via brutereason)

plaidandredlipstick:

the reason male comic book fans work themselves into a frenzied rage over “fake geek girls" is because they think they can’t get a girlfriend because of their love for comic books (a.k.a nerdiness). if they accept that geek girls genuinely love comic books, then they’re left with the cold harsh reality that it’s not their nerdiness that makes them unattractive to women, but the fact that they are misogynistic condescending dickbags who need to be avoided AT ALL COSTS

Guardians of the Galaxy

Marvel does big space sci-fi. Does that idea appeal to you? What about if I say Farscape vibes aplenty? It appealed to me from the minute the first teaser dropped and since then it’s one of the few films I’ve really been hyped up to see this year.

The story begins with a young boy at his mother’s bedside as she’s dying, she gives him a gift and tells him to be a good boy, like his father, and asks for him to hold her hand. He can’t bring himself to do that and runs outside as she passes away. As soon as he gets outside a spaceship abducts him. Fast forward 20 years and he’s now a criminal who steals things to order, while trying to sell one of these stolen items he runs in to Rocket and Groot who try to capture him for the reward, he’s also attacked by Gamora, who is trying to steal the stole artefact to stop it getting where it’s going.

Long story short they all end up in prison together and need each other to escape, along the way they pick up a muscle-bound, yet oddly literal criminal called Drax and somehow get roped in to a mission to save the galaxy. A group of hapless misfits who get roped in to saving the galaxy, a guy from Earth at the wrong side of the galaxy who makes pop culture references and a non-human loud mouth character, you can see where I draw the Farscape comparisons. Also like Farscape there’s a lot of humour in the mix.

The couple of things I’d have to stack against it, and one of them really isn’t the fault of the film, it’s just the current Hollywood blockbuster trend. Why do we have to have a city being destroyed and a whole world in peril at the end of every big blockbuster now? It seems that you can’t get away from this any more and it’s really rather repetitive and annoying. The other thing is, while I enjoyed it, they didn’t seem to balance the humorous and serious bits well. Rather than being able to meld humour in to serious scenes it felt to me more like it went “Here’s some humour. Now some seriousness. Now humour.” rather than having things that played as both at the same time. Though that may be something I change my mind on on repeat viewings.

Big Space Sci-Fi, Humour, decent story and character to go along with the explosions and action. What’s not to enjoy? If any of this sounds appealing at all then I recommend you see it, I’ll likely see it again if I get the chance.

plaidandredlipstick:

the reason male comic book fans work themselves into a frenzied rage over “fake geek girls" is because they think they can’t get a girlfriend because of their love for comic books (a.k.a nerdiness). if they accept that geek girls genuinely love comic books, then they’re left with the cold harsh reality that it’s not their nerdiness that makes them unattractive to women, but the fact that they are misogynistic condescending dickbags who need to be avoided AT ALL COSTS

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